Chuck Norris' CForce Gives Everyone the Power to Hydrate Like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris turned 83 years old in 2023 and is (literally) still kicking, working his Navasota, Texas, ranch. At some point, you have to wonder if there's something in the water -- and if you ask him, there is.

You might not be able to roundhouse a snot-nosed punk like Chuck, but if you get thirsty trying, you can now refresh yourself with his CForce bottled water. This isn't your ordinary bottled water; it literally bursts forth from a 23,000-year-old Ice Age aquifer hidden deep under his Lone Wolf Ranch.

According to the CForce site, the ground underneath Norris' ranch formed a special kind of volcanic rock, which filtered the rainwater of the next few thousand years, purifying it and infusing it with minerals and electrolytes.

The water really does shoot from the ground. Norris and his wife Gena discovered the water while looking for alternate irrigation sources to use on the ranch. Instead of finding a well, they found an artesian spring of clean, potable water.

The couple reportedly learned the kind of water coming from the ground was rare, so they decided to bottle it at the source (using recycled plastic bottles) and sell it to support their charity, Kickstart Kids.

We're not saying that drinking the same water from the same source will give you the power to rescue prisoners of war in Vietnam, fight Bruce Lee in his prime or battle Satan's emissary (all of which Norris has already done), but we also can't prove that it won't.

What it definitely will do is help children learn the values, discipline and quality of character through karate that helped Chuck Norris become the intimidating but beloved figure he is today. Norris founded Kickstart Kids in 1990 with the help of then-President George H.W. Bush. Since then, the charity has empowered more than 110,000 at-risk children through karate. Chuck Norris karate.

Do we want a generation of American children who can kick through a car windshield? Absolutely. As for yourself, drinking Chuck Norris' water won't help you survive firing a bazooka into a bad guy at point-blank range (the bad guy will die, but it will definitely kill you, too), but at least you'll have the hydration needed to stop an invasion of the USA.

-- Blake Stilwell can be reached at blake.stilwell@military.com. He can also be found on Twitter @blakestilwell or on LinkedIn.

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