Question: I didn't get the job. I really wanted this one and felt I did well in the interview. The hiring manager said while my skills and experience were good, I came across as desperate. How can I stop that from happening? I am desperate!
Answer: One of the hardest things to do is to feel strongly about something and not show it. When you need the job (and the income, benefits and security that comes with it) to sustain yourself and your family, a sense of urgency and even "desperation" can come across.
To the person interviewing you, despondency is off-putting and can send a negative impression: They may wonder why you're desperate, why others haven't selected you for a position or what choices led to your situation. Right or wrong, a negative perception doesn't often lead to a job offer.
You'll want to prepare yourself -- mentally and physically -- for the interview the minute the appointment is made. Research the company, understand the job requirements, be well-versed on your skills and credentials, and get your outlook pointed in the right direction to set yourself up for success.
Before the Interview
In the days leading to the interview, follow these tips:
1. Focus on gratitude.
Yes, you might really need this job to come through, because your circumstances are dire or you're growing increasingly frustrated and unhappy, but focusing on what you have to be grateful for instead of what you're missing will shift your mental outlook. Are you healthy? Do you have a family that loves you? Is the sun shining outside? Look at all aspects of your life and all the things you can appreciate.
2. Practice mindfulness or meditation.
If you practice deep-breathing rituals or meditation, do this more as you prepare for the interview. Focus on your breath, be present in your surroundings and notice how your body and mind are feeling. Mindfulness practices will help you maintain your composure and focus throughout your civilian career as you will undoubtedly encounter stress and change.
3. Get some sleep.
The night before the interview, prepare to get quality sleep. Turn off social media and devices early, limit alcohol, eat a light meal and set your alarm. A well-rested mind tends to be calmer and more centered.
4. Eat well.
On the day of the interview, have a light meal and limit your caffeine intake. Trust that your adrenaline will make more caffeine likely unnecessary.
5. Plan your route.
If you'll be traveling to the interview, plan your route. Determine where you'll park and arrive early so you're not rushed or late.
In the Interview
While you're in the meeting, take time to:
1. Check your breathing.
If you find you're breathing too quickly, start taking deep, slow breaths down to your belly button. Visualize the air filling your lungs.
2. Pause before answering.
Don't rush to respond and instead count two beats before answering. In addition to concentrating on your breath, this technique will ensure you remain composed.
3. Focus on the moment.
If you find your mind wandering -- and considering all the anticipation and anxiety you feel -- bring your attention back to what you see. Identify things around you -- a blue pen, an exit sign over the door, a window, an oak table. This centering activity helps when your mind starts racing.
4. Avoid interrupting.
When you race to answer the question, you might interrupt the interviewer. Not good. Take time and think through responses, letting the interviewer fully ask the question before answering.
5. Ground your feet.
Instead of crossing your legs (and restricting your circulation), place both feet on the floor. This grounds you to the earth and keeps you steady as you display calm and confidence.
6. Watch your body language.
Focus on positive body-language cues such as good eye contact, a pleasant expression on your face, and smiling and nodding in agreement with the interviewer.
Job interviews are inherently stressful situations. Whether you meet someone in person or are interviewed by phone or video, communicating calmness, professionalism and enthusiasm sends the impression you are pleased to be considered and excited to learn more about the opportunity.
While you might feel that the stakes of the job opportunity are high in light of your situation, the interviewer can be thrown off by an overly anxious demeanor. Show your confident and professional self and make a positive impression.
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