An Army General Wants to Send Rangers After Internet Trolls

What if an Army general could send the Rangers after internet trolls? Lt. Gen. Ted Martin imagined just such a scenario in a tongue-in-cheek video posted to his Twitter account.

Martin, the deputy commanding general of the Army Training and Doctrine Command (TRADOC) and an avid Twitter user, is a West Point-trained armor officer who's had enough of the internet's nonsense. So he rolled out a make-believe Army doctrine to do what the rest of us wish we could do on a daily basis: Go after the trolls where they live.

Martin clearly knows a thing or two about bringing the pain on the battlefield. But he also knows about social media and (apparently) has a sense of humor to match. All this went down in a tongue-in-cheek tweet from the @TradocDCG Twitter account.

This is how it goes in my dreams when I read snarky comments on my twitter feed... pic.twitter.com/VsBU1rltB7

— TRADOC_DCG (@TradocDCG) July 22, 2020

Martin is a 10th-generation soldier whose family history with the Army dates back to making firecakes with Gen. George Washington at Valley Forge. That doesn't help him go into battle against internet trolls, but the West Point pedigree and three-star rank do help him fight the 2020 blues.

Since he can't drive his own tank to a troll's house and force an M908 High Explosive Obstacle Reduction round into their computers, home offices and probably everything else in the house, he (jokingly) opts to send in a tank platoon and a team of Army Rangers.

Martin also calls for the help of the Army Cyber Command to find the 10-digit grid coordinates for the offending user, called @jackwagon. He decides to hunt down the user so he can "punch you in your mouse face."

We're sure Martin's efforts would be enough to scare off any troll.

-- Blake Stilwell can be reached at blake.stilwell@military.com. He can also be found on Twitter @blakestilwell or on Facebook.

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