As you exit the military, with its unique "family" culture, and enter the civilian sector, resist getting too close to people at work at first. At the outset of your civilian employment, early relationships can prove unhealthy to your career goals.
In the military, you enjoyed familiar relationships with those around you. You worked, ate, slept and conducted your missions in close proximity with those you served alongside. Naturally, you developed tight bonds and supported and protected each other to ensure everyone was safe and healthy.
One of the hardest parts for most military personnel as they retire or separate from the military is worrying that they may not find others who will "have their six," look out for them and provide the familiarity and camaraderie they grew accustomed to in the military.
For many veterans, making friends early at a new job is a form of comfort. As such, they connect with the first friendly face that offers to show them around the office, help them fill out paperwork or find a great lunch spot near the office.
While this might seem a natural and appropriate way to acclimate to a new work environment, who you befriend early on can prove problematic later.
An example:
Consider what happened to Adam. Fresh out of the Navy, Adam describes himself as a "people person." He loves to be around others, engages fully in conversations on diverse topics and thrives when he's helping others. In his first job after the military, Adam was hired into a regional financial firm where he'd be working as an entry-level adviser. Working in finance fulfilled his passion to help people learn how to protect their income.
Adam's associate, Susan, greeted him enthusiastically on his first day on the job and offered to show him the ropes. She provided him with background on the office (who he can trust, who he should avoid and who likely won't be working there in a month) and where he could find supplies and snacks.
Those first few days on the job, Adam felt safe with Susan and relied on her to answer questions he didn't feel comfortable asking his manager or team colleagues. Susan became a sort of unofficial work mentor to Adam.
Unfortunately, her advice and guidance to Adam was misleading and ill-formed. Susan found it challenging to make work friends and tainted Adam's perception of others in the office. Without realizing it, Adam had adopted her perceptions of his colleagues and began treating them negatively. He resisted forming collaborative relationships, sharing his insights and experience with his team (Susan said this was a quick way for them to "steal" his ideas), and ultimately, Adam began to be excluded from important conversations.
In Adam's example, his intuition failed him, and he befriended a colleague whose reputation at the company was ill-informed and manipulative. Because he resisted his better judgment and trusted Susan, his own reputation became tarnished.
Instead of quickly forming work relationships, consider these tips:
1. Recognize That Not Everyone Is Like You.
You all started your military careers along mostly similar paths. The shared experiences and emotions you developed assisted the bonding you experienced. In the civilian sector, you'll be working alongside people who've been in their job for many years or are new like you.
Some will have prior work experience, multiple degrees and certifications, and others will be self-taught. These experiences mean the people you're working alongside may view their careers and professional relationships differently than you do. Before forming early relationships, consider how those differences could impact your career at the company.
2. Listen and Learn in Those First Few Months.
Meet a lot of people. Be friendly and professional to everyone. Resist aligning too quickly with one person -- or group of people -- for fear of how that relationship could be perceived by others and could influence your work performance and career choices.
3. Rely on Your Judgment.
Trust yourself to know when someone could be misleading you for their own benefit. In Adam's case, Susan needed and wanted a work friend, and Adam became that person. He should have trusted himself enough to question her motives and form other relationships at work in addition to this one.
It's natural to want to be friendly with people at work. As humans, we seek collaboration, connection and camaraderie. Recognize that your experience in the civilian work environment can offer you rich and rewarding professional relationships (maybe like what you had in the military) if you take your time and form those alliances naturally and with intention.
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