There comes a time in each PCS cycle where you just feel, well, done. You're done buying groceries, done making plans past the packing days and done meeting new people. Your thoughts are full of what you can purge and what your new house will look like.
And then you go to your book club or the gym, and there's a new person there -- a potential new friend.
Your subconscious screams, "Nope. Don't do it!" You know what will happen. You'll instantly click with this person and forge a fast and furious friendship with that two-week PCS deadline looming. Nope, this is not the time to be making new friends.
Or is it?
I've heard spouses on both sides of this argument. I've been on both sides of this argument. Early in my life as a military spouse, when I was approaching my first major PCS from Germany, I heard one spouse say, "I'm leaving in a month. I'm not interested in any more friends."
At first, I was shocked. And sad. What if I had just met her, what a turnoff! But then I thought about the honesty and guts it took to say that. She was done. She was emotionally done. The turmoil of leaving a place you've made your home wreaks havoc on your heart. You know your life is about to be turned upside down. You know that the friendships you've made are not all going to survive the move. And it's OK to break it off early.
Fast-forward about 10 years, and I was getting ready (again) to leave a duty station when I met someone new. We probably had a month or so left before we moved on. We're an Army family, and they were a Navy family, so the chances of being stationed with them again were slim to none. But we invested in a relationship anyway.
We got our families together and ate pizza. We kept in touch during the weeks we had left. We said goodbye, fully knowing that was probably going to be it. A few months later, they spent the night at our new house on their way to visit family. See, that worked out well!
A friend I was lucky enough to meet about midway through a duty station once shared with me about a friendship she had. She said that, when she was getting ready to leave Hawaii, her friend said, "Thank you for being my friend."
Knowing that there was no expectation, on either end, to try to maintain this relationship was an amazing feeling. This is absolutely an option. Be a good friend for the season you are together and then move on.
Military spouses are great at making friends for each season, if you will. And when you approach friendship with this in mind, you will find it's easier. It's OK to make new friends the week before you move, and it's equally OK to decide you're done.
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--Rebecca Alwine can be reached at rebecca.alwine@monster.com. Follow her on Twitter @rebecca_alwine.
