Dear Ms. Vicki,
Something is wrong with me but I don't know what it is. I'm wondering if I will ever be normal. I've been deployed three times and I've been redeployed for over a year. I can't sleep without having nightmares; I cry for no reason at all, and social activities are a thing of the past for me because I just don't have a desire to do anything. I'm jumpy and nervous all of the time and watching my back and traffic and crowded places makes me angry.
My wife is about to leave me because she wants the "old me.” She says I've changed too much and wants me to get help. My libido is gone and this is affecting my marriage too. Why can't I make love to my wife? She could be standing in front of me stark naked and I wouldn't want to do anything. Is this PTSD or am I depressed?
I don't want to be the washed-up soldier who isn't wanted in his company. I don't want people to think I am weak and don't have the willpower to kick this thing. Maybe I just need to give it some time and things will get better and these feelings will go away, right?
Sincerely,
Fighting a Different Enemy
Dear Fighting,
It would be inappropriate for me to try and give you a diagnosis but it sounds like you have symptoms of both depression and post-traumatic stress. It's important that you know that you are not weak and this is not about willpower. You have served your country valiantly and with honor. You should allow other professionals to work hard to help you.
Look at it this way: now it's our time to return the favor to you for all of your sacrifices. Both post-traumatic stress and depression are treatable and you could get better, but first, you need a thorough assessment, diagnosis and treatment to have good outcomes. Your wife cares, but her feelings are normal too. She might be frightened to see changes in your behavior and may even have some anxiety too. This is very normal. You both could use support and counseling services, and they are available.
My quick suggestion is for you to visit with your primary care physician and explain the symptoms. They will make the appropriate referrals. You could also call behavioral health and inquire about an appointment; they may even offer walk-in services.
Please know that you are not "used goods." Receiving a diagnosis of depression or post-traumatic stress will not end your career. On the other hand, if you don't seek professional help, it will get worse. Please take your wife to the appointment with you. It's important for her to feel like she is a vital part of your healing and it will be very educational for both of you. Please keep in touch with me and let me know how you are doing. I'm on your side.
Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki
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