Ask Ms. Vicki: He Met A Woman on Deployment and Left Me With Nothing


Dear Ms. Vicki,

My husband fell in love with a married Iraqi woman while he was serving in Baghdad. He was discharged early, two years short of retirement & he (we) lost everything, his pension, medical benefits, etc.

His lover brought her kids to the U.S. with her and they all live together even though we are still married. He's stopped paying the mortgage and our home is going into foreclosure. My car may also be repossessed soon.

He hasn't given me any financial support in 18 months. I struggle to survive. I'm sure I'm not the first spouse this has happened to. Can you give me any advice as to how to handle the emotional devastation this has caused me and maybe how I can move on?

Do you know of any support groups I can join so I can gain positive reinforcement from others who have also experienced this trauma?

Thanks so much…



Dear Jilted,

How stressful, devastating and unfair to you!

Unfortunately, you are not alone with this dilemma. It happens all too often.

Have you filed for divorce or legal separation? Are you seeking legal advice?

One organization I'm aware of is EX-POSE (Ex-Partners of Service members of Equality). Even though you are still married I think you should contact them for information, resources and advice. It's a great organization and serves many spouses who have faced similar situations.

This is not pity, but I am very sorry this has happened to you. I'm not sure if you have children but I hope everyone is okay given the circumstances. I hope you have the support of great family and friends during this difficult situation. Please stay in touch with updates when you can.


Ms. Vicki

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