What would happen if military families reframed deployments by using disruption for good?
Thousands of service members deploy annually with approximately 1.3 million serving the U.S. Armed Forces worldwide. With the recent reinforcement deployments in the Middle East due to the conflict in Iran and U.S. presence estimating around 50,000 troops, the conversation turns toward a critical question: How can military families redefine their deployment experience during periods of separation?
We connect with U.S. Army military veteran Patrick Leddin, co-author of the New York Times bestselling book Disrupt Everything and Win. This book offers insight into how military families can navigate the disruption that deployments create at home. Patrick was assigned to the 82nd Airborne Division as a Platoon Leader and Company Commander and has experienced extended deployments. Today, he works as a leadership expert, disruption strategist, and research scientist, sharing his frameworks and helping military-affiliated audiences globally.
Kim O’Brien (Military.com): From your experience as a veteran and leadership expert, how did your own experience with the 82nd Airborne shape the way you think about disruption in military family life?
Patrick Leddin (Leadership Expert and Bestselling Author): My perspective on disruption was significantly shaped by my time in the 82nd Airborne Division. In that environment, disruption wasn’t theoretical. It was expected. We trained for it. We had plans, standard operating procedures, and clear ways of responding when things changed quickly. A lot of effort went into anticipating what could go wrong and preparing for it in advance. That experience reinforced something I still believe today: when disruption is predictable at some level, preparation matters.
Taking time to think through likely obstacles and how you will respond can make all the difference when the moment arrives. At the same time, not everything can be anticipated. Some disruptions only reveal themselves when you are in the middle of them. I remember being called up for a deployment with very little notice. We left within a day or so and were gone for a couple of months.
When I returned, my wife told me something that stuck with me. She said it had been easier while I was away than when I was home. That was difficult to hear, but it was also instructive. What she was really pointing to was the importance of shared expectations and the strain that misalignment can create. While I was gone, roles and routines were clear. She had adapted and found a rhythm. When I returned, that rhythm was disrupted again, and we had not fully aligned on how to navigate that transition together.
It was a reminder that disruption is not just operational. It is relational. You can prepare for the mission, but you also have to invest in understanding how change impacts the people around you. That lesson has stayed with me. Whether in the military or in business, disruption is not just about reacting to events. It is about preparing where you can, staying adaptable when you cannot, and recognizing that the human side of disruption is often the most complex part to lead through.
Military.com: Military families commonly experience emotional reactions in the first days after learning about a possible deployment. What small, practical strategies can spouses, parents, and children use to create stability and emotional security during deployment separation?
Leddin: From my research on disruption, one thing is consistently true. Emotion shows up right alongside it. That is true whether the disruption looks positive or negative, whether it is something small or something life-changing like a potential deployment. The emotional response is immediate and often complex.
What I have found is that people rarely experience just one emotion in these moments. There is often a primary emotion and a secondary one. A service member might feel excitement about deploying and doing their job, while also feeling concern about what is happening at home. A spouse might feel pride and support, while also feeling fear or uncertainty. Both can exist at the same time, and that is normal.
Children can have an even harder time navigating this. They may not have the language to express what they are feeling, or they may show it in ways that are less direct. That makes it important for adults to create space where those emotions can be expressed. And if that is difficult within the family, it is worth bringing in someone who can help, whether that is a counselor, a teacher, or another trusted adult.
In terms of practical strategies, the first is to make it okay to talk about what people are feeling. Do not rush to fix it or explain it away. Just create space for honest conversation. Second, avoid judging or minimizing someone else’s emotional response. What feels manageable to one person may feel overwhelming to another. Third, try to establish simple, consistent routines. Even small points of predictability can create a sense of stability during uncertain times. And finally, keep communication open and ongoing. Emotions will shift over time, and what someone feels on day one may not be what they feel a week or a month later.
The reality is that emotion is not something to manage around disruption. It is part of it. When families acknowledge that and create space to process it, they put themselves in a much stronger position to navigate what comes next with clarity and resilience.
Military.com: During periods of uncertainty and urgency, such as rapid troop movements or unexpected deployments, what are the most important things military families can realistically control at home? What are some signs that a family is struggling with deployment transition but may not recognize it yet?
Leddin: Urgency creates a sense that everything needs to move quickly and be handled immediately. But there is an old expression that applies well in these moments: sometimes slow is fast. One of the most important things families can do is find small ways to slow things down, even when everything feels accelerated. Slowing down allows you to notice what you might otherwise miss, especially when it comes to how people are actually doing.
When we talk about control, it is important to be realistic. There are very few things we truly control. What we can control is our own actions, and we can influence the environment around us. At home, that means focusing on what creates stability. Routines, traditions, and small rituals can become anchors during uncertain times. It might be as simple as eating dinner together at a consistent time, setting aside time to talk, or maintaining a weekly activity. These moments create predictability, and predictability creates a sense of security.
It is also important to keep conversations going beyond the initial departure. When a deployment is first announced or begins, there is often a surge of communication and emotion. Over time, that can fade. Sometimes that is because people have adjusted. Other times it is because emotions have been pushed aside. Families should stay attentive to that shift.
There are a few signs that a family may be struggling with the transition but not fully recognizing it. People may become quieter than usual, withdraw from conversations, or disengage from routines they once participated in. Children, in particular, may show changes in behavior rather than clearly expressing how they feel. These are often signals that something needs attention, not something to ignore.
One concept I often share in my work on disruption is that relationships provide both headwinds and tailwinds. Headwinds slow us down. Tailwinds help move us forward. During a deployment, families have an opportunity to be intentional about becoming tailwinds for one another. That means offering support, staying engaged, and looking for ways to lift each other up.
In uncertain and urgent moments, you may not be able to control the situation itself. But you can shape how you show up within it. And that can make a meaningful difference in how a family navigates the experience together.
Military.com: How can families reframe deployment challenges as opportunities for growth? Do you feel there are any common mistakes well-meaning adults sometimes make when trying to support military kids during deployment?
Leddin: One of the most effective ways families can reframe the challenges of deployment is by seeing them through the lens of growth. In my research on disruption, one of the most important steps in navigating change is what I call refinement. It is the idea that we do not just go through an experience. We learn from it and get better because of it.
In the Disrupt Everything and Win, the New York Times bestselling book I coauthored with James Patterson, I write extensively about a simple four-step process that helps individuals, teams, and families do exactly that. While it is often applied in business or leadership settings, it translates directly to life at home during times like deployment.
First, review the results. Take an honest look at what is happening right now. That might mean acknowledging that you did not spend much time together this week, or recognizing that a new routine is actually working well.
Second, reflect on what those results mean. Go beyond the surface and talk about how people feel. Did that lack of time together create stress? Did that shared activity bring a sense of connection? This is where the emotional side of the experience becomes part of the conversation.
Third, revise the approach. Decide what to adjust. Maybe it is setting aside more intentional time together, or changing how communication happens during the week.
Finally, recommit. Choose a simple action to carry forward as a family and agree to try it over a short period of time. Then come back and repeat the process. The key is to do this frequently and keep it manageable. You do not need a perfect long-term plan. You need a short cycle of action and reflection. For example, make a commitment on Monday, try it during the week, and revisit it together on Friday.
As for supporting military kids, one of the biggest pitfalls is assuming that good intentions automatically translate into the right support. Adults often step in quickly to fix, explain, or reassure, but sometimes what is more helpful is to listen and create space. Kids do not always need a solution right away. They need to feel seen and heard.
It is also important for parents and caregivers to recognize that they will not get everything right. There will be moments where a signal is missed or a response falls short. That is part of the process. When families are willing to acknowledge that, talk about it, and adjust, they model resilience in a very real way.
Over time, that cycle of reviewing, reflecting, revising, and recommitting does more than solve small problems. It helps families build the capacity to navigate disruption together.
Military.com: What is one takeaway from the book you hope every military family reads and what message would you most want military families watching current events to hear right now?
Leddin: If there is one takeaway I would want every military family to take from Disrupt Everything and Win, the New York Times bestselling book I coauthored with James Patterson, it is what we call the Four Fundamental Facts of Disruption.
First, the status quo is a deceptive little devil. Things will change. Even when life feels stable and predictable, disruption is always a possibility. In a military context, that change can happen quickly. When things are going well, it is important to appreciate it, while also recognizing that it will not stay exactly the same.
Second, you are wired to disrupt. That means you are equipped to handle change. We all have the ability to think creatively, to imagine new possibilities, and to take action. We also have experiences we can draw from and people around us who can support us. Your brain, your past experiences, and your available resources all position you to navigate disruption more effectively than you might initially believe.
Third, relationships provide both headwinds and tailwinds. We are all part of a network of relationships, and those relationships can either slow us down or help move us forward. During times of uncertainty, it becomes especially important to invest in those relationships and be intentional about supporting one another.
Fourth, your time here is finite. Make it count in ways that matter. The season of life you are in right now, with your family in its current form, will not last forever. That is not meant to create pressure, but perspective. Even in challenging moments, there are opportunities to create meaning, connection, and memories that endure.
As for what I would want military families to hear as they watch current events unfold, it is this. My research and writing have reinforced for me the remarkable capacity of people to adapt, to create, to persevere, and to move forward, even in very difficult circumstances. But that capacity is most powerful when it is grounded in what we call the fire inside.
The fire inside is your sense of purpose. It is the why behind what you do. You may not be able to control deployments or the broader events happening around you, but you can take time to define and reconnect with your purpose as a family. Why do you exist as a family? What are you trying to build, support, or stand for together?
When that purpose is clear, it becomes an anchor. It provides direction in uncertain moments and strength during difficult ones. And in a world where so much can change quickly, that kind of internal clarity can make all the difference.
